TEN THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SHAKA SIGIDI KASENZANGAKHONA- THE ZULU

 SHAKA SIGIDI KASENZANGAKHONA- THE ZULU

Did you know that Shaka the Zulu terrorized his subjects for over a year to mourn his mother? Did you know that he killed cows and left young calves so that they know how it feels to lose a mother? He did. 

1.    HE WAS AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD

His name was Shaka Sigidi KaSenzangakhona. He was the son of Chief Senzangakhona, who was the ruler of a small insignificant chiefdom of Zulu, and an orphaned girl named Nandi, the daughter of a Langeni chief.  Shaka was born out of wedlock.  One source says the clans of the parents were related therefore they could not marry another source says that he was born before the parents were traditionally married but, all the same Nandi became Senzangakhana’s third wife. Some theories say his father rejected him others say their marriage broke the Zulu rules because their clans were related.  Whatever the view he was an illegitimate child.

Senzangakhona was not a young man when he met Nandi.  He was already married to two wives.  Nandi was already an orphan and probably young and naïve given the requirements of the African culture on young girls.  She could be one of the many girls who were taken advantage of.  If he was able to marry and stay with her for six years it was because he was guilty of something.  There is no way he would have failed to know that Nandi’s clan was related to his and if Nandi gave birth before marriage it is because he had a relationship with her before marrying her.  It is recorded that Nandi gave birth at her uncle's homestead but Senzangakhona married her as a third wife.  It is possible the other wives had no male child at that time, and Nandi gave birth to one so she had to be taken as a wife.  Being the youngest wife and with a baby boy the chief must have spoilt and showered her with love,  making the other women jealous and when they had their sons they fought back for what they rightfully felt was their children’s inheritance.  The firstborn son inherits the father's throne. It is also possible Nandi was very young and therefore prone to abuse and once married the other two women may have ganged against her and made her life miserable to appoint that she felt it was better to leave than stay married.

 2.    AT SIX YEARS OF AGE HIS PARENTS BROKE UP

At six years of age, the parents separated and his mother moved back to her maternal home.  His mother was an orphan and his uncles despised his mother and eventually chased her away from the Langeni clan, a place she called home.  In Langeni Shaka had lived a fatherless life with no doubt the same stigma the mother faced, trickled down to him.  He was constantly humiliated and cruelly treated by boys while at Langeni.  At six years, a child can know what is happening around them.  Shaka must have seen the pain his mother went through.  He absorbed and endured all the humiliation and bullying with a goal in mind.  He knew he was destined to be a chief because he was the son of a chief and he openly talked about it which made other children taunt him even more. 

3.     HE FACED STIGMATIZATION, HUMILIATION, AND BULLYING WHILE GROWING UP

Once married it is shameful to return home, especially with a boy child because eventually he would want some inheritance.  Nandi had no one to rely on.  She hoped going home to her family would make things easier but it turned out to also be as bad or even worse than what she left behind.

When the mistreatment and stigmatization became too much Nandi found shelter in the Dletsheni subclan of the Mthethwa clan under Senior Chief Dingiswayo.  They were warmly welcomed according to historical sources because one of Nandi’s auntie was married here.  It is possible she was married in Dingiswayo’s homestead. Here again, Shaka went through the bullying and humiliation largely because he made claims of being an heir to a chieftaincy. 

 4.    HE WAS A SKILLED FIGHTER AND ASTUTE LEADER

He was tall, powerfully built, and daring which gave him naturally placed him well above the other youths.  At 23 he was drafted to join the military as part of the Dlesheni age set under chief Dingiswayo.  He met people who could relate to him, he had a platform where he could show his natural talent and courage as well as an opportunity to fuel his thirst for power.  He proved to be a brilliant fighter and won the heart of Dingiswayo.

I believe Dingiswayo knew who Nandi was and who Shaka was.  He saw a future in Shaka.  He was sure he was Chief  Senzangakhona’s son and from the onset, he welcomed mother and son well.  He saw in Shaka a way of bringing the Zulu clan under him.  Even though Shaka was well built and possessed the traits of a warrior naturally, Dingiswayo paid special attention to him and gave him the best training in preparation for the day he would send him marching to claim his throne.  When the time came he allowed him to go back home- a dejected son becomes the heir. I can only imagine the happiness in the young man’s heart when he walked with his warriors into a clan that he left years back with pain and sorrow.  Those who sent him packing must have trembled because his fame preceded him.

5.    HE BECAME CHIEF AND RULED FOR ONLY 10 YEARS 1816 TO 1828

In  1816 his father died and Chief Dingiswayo sent him to take over the leadership of the Zulu.  What is meant to be yours will always come back to you.  So, Shaka began his reign in 1816 and it was nothing short of a reign of terror to everyone whether you hurt him or not but those who specifically hurt him bore the brant.  What were his achievements and failure? 

6.      SUCCESSES

• When he took over the leadership the Zulu kingdom had a population of about 1500 and more than 800 Bantu clans.  Within a short time, both the population and army tripled.
• He reorganized the army and introduced the short stabbing spear - assegais which allowed warriors to attack at close range.
• Instituted regiment system based on age groups, quartered at separate kraals (villages), with distinct uniform markings and a variation of headdresses and ornaments
•  He divided his regiment (impi) into four during the battle.  The strongest unit “chest” pinned the enemy down while the two others “horns” circled and attacked from behind and a reserve “loins” waited nearby to reinforce any arm that was overpowered.
•  As the impis moved on the expansion and extermination exercise, they were fed food from kraals along the path and they had young boys carrying their sleeping mats and cooking pots.
• All the conquered clans including his uncle's clans the Lengeni were incorporated into the now larger Zulu clan

 7.    FAILURES

• From the onset, he ruled with an iron fist any opposition meant instant death.
• Fought for extermination
• By 1823 the region was underpopulated with ruins of smoking kraals and terrified survivors
• His expansion efforts left over two million people dead

 8. THE DEATH OF HIS MOTHER WAS A DOWNHILL         TURNING POINT

When he lost his mother he went rog killing over 7000 people. Women found to be pregnant were killed together with their husbands,  he killed milked cows and left the calves motherless so that they too feel the pain of losing a mother. For a year there was no planting of food or milking. Death is not easy especially someone you have idolized dies. The death of Shaka’s mother hit him hard.  He was still a young man, he had been on the throne for less than ten years, she was probably the only person he shared his most difficult times with, in her absence he felt left alone.  His action when his mother died in 1827 killed him.  Forcing people to mourn for a whole year, no working, no planting, no milking was not wise.  Life does not stop when someone dies.  It is then who dies not everyone else.

9.    THE WAS KILLED BY HIS HALF BROTHERS

In 1828 he sent his impis for an invasion and when they returned instead of giving them rest he immediately sent them for another on which his half brothers and an induna murdered him.

10.  HE NEVER MARRIED

Shaka never married signifying that what he went through when he was sent away from his father's homestead as an illegitimate child affected him. the bullying, stigmatization, and people failing to believe in him when he said he was a chief's son added salt to the injury.  He was afraid of having illegitimate sons and daughters.  He had women who had got pregnant by him killed.  That is how much the pain from childhood hurt him.  The pain of being dejected and humiliated. He did not want that for anyone called his child.

CONCLUSION

 No amount of understanding can justify killing even one person.  By narrating or discussing Shaka the Zulu,  am not in any way trying to justify his actions.  As parents, we need to learn and adjust our parenting to positively nurture our children so that they are better adults or rather the best they can be.

 Shaka allowed anger, the pain of rejection, thirst for revenge, and ambition to prove to people that he was better than them, to cloud his mind instead of being humane.  Childhood trauma can overwhelmingly explode in adulthood. Do not call children names, do not cause them pain unnecessarily, and be there for your child because they never applied to be born by you.  What we plant today in our children as parents is what we will harvest when they get to be adults.  We plant anger we harvest tenfold, we plant pain, we harvest tenfold, we plant happiness and good memories we harvest the same, and much more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

FROM GOD TO US PARENTS

 

Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them.  And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth”

Mathew 28:19-20 Go ye therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo! I am with you always, to the close of the age”

From the creation of the earth, man received authority from God to use the world to his advantage.  Everything was put under his dominion.  Man, was to multiply and fill the earth.  Indeed over the years, man has done everything humanly possible to make life easy for him.

Man has at the same time caused a lot of pain to himself.

In the New Testament Jesus adds a new responsibility to what man was initially given on creation.  Apart from multiplying and filling the earth, man is supposed to make disciples These disciples are to be trained on what Christ teaches as well as be Baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit who are here with us until the end of time.  

This command often referred to as the great commission is our God-given responsibility as the Church to always teach and direct people towards the saving power of Jesus Christ to the end of time.

Our homes are the first Church.  The molding begins in the home before it gets to Church.  The two commands to multiply and fill the earth as well as teach and baptize lie squarely on us parents.  We prepare the ground for the pastors.  Theirs is to confirm and commission the continuation of the process of filling and discipleship until the end of time.

Molding children is a collective responsibility therefore of each one of us adults.  Collective responsibility will ensure that we work towards a common goal and share the same basic principles of parenting regardless of our race, color, social status, or wealth.

In the world today sanctity of life is a thing of the past.  Killings, abuse, maiming, divorce, separation, broken families, name them and you find them around us. 

Childhoods are precious moments because they form the foundations of our growth towards adulthood.  As parents, we have a responsibility to ensure that we fulfill the responsibility of filling the earth and following it up with training the children in skills that will enable them to subdue the earth to their advantage as well as lead them towards the path of becoming disciples of Christ.

As we carry out our responsibilities we should be cognizant of the devil's relentless tactics.  

Let us not leave our children on their own.  Let us equip them with the right skills that can lead them towards responsible adulthood.  Sometimes they make their own decision and they may not be right, it is a process of learning.   God’s attributes should be written in their hearts just like the stone tablets God gave to Moses- (The Ten Commandments).

No matter how strong or careful you are as a parent sometimes things get out of hand.  How did it get to Cain killing his own brother Abel?  Where was Adam and Eve?

 What lessons can we draw from the conversation herein?

We are responsible for whom they become!!!

Technology has occupied most of our time.

Getting children to do anything when at home has become such a struggle. Is it their responsibility to help out at home? Do they have a responsibility to organize their lives as children?

 

It's a discussion I would love us to have as parents.  The holistic growth of our children is a God-given responsibility.  We have no one to blame when our children turn out to be social misfits.  If we let our guards down #peterpan# among boys or #Wendy's# among girls syndromes could be the results 5 to 10 years from now.  These are symptoms found in young people who are adults but portray child-like behavior. "They refuse to grow"

Our children may fail to acquire the skills that they are supposed to in the process of maturity because we are too busy as parents to notice or perform our God-given responsibility and instead we are too busy building our careers and worrying about our spouses.  Meanwhile because of our failure our children fail to "grow up" because we did not provide the necessary support required in their developmental process for them to acquire skills that will make them independent in their adulthood. Growing is an upward process in which we learn skills day by day that keep us becoming better and better human beings.

With #Peterpan# or #Wendys# syndrome our children grow physically but character-wise they behave like dependent children who need everything done for them. signs of this syndrome include lack of commitment in relationships or any form of employment, they keep jumping from one career to another, they are at one time committed to a relationship the next minute they are bored, they don't care about orderliness, they live in cluttered or unhygienic environments, basically the world around them is someone else's responsibility, not theirs.

Let's think back and revisit our childhood training. We potty trained them, we trained them to walk and talk, we trained them to master their first language, and then after that, they learned to take a bath on their own. What else did we train them? Most likely as soon as they joined school we stopped at that and transferred our responsibility to the teachers and househelp.

Being responsible in adulthood does not just happen, it's a culmination of skills that have been acquired as one grows into maturity thus becoming a responsible adult.

When we go to school we generally learn all subjects up to a level when we are mature enough to branch into our individual interests.

There is no harm in boys learning to #cook# or girls learning to #hunt#. We should avoid creating specific gender roles especially when it comes to household chores. Children should be exposed to as many responsibilities as possible from an early age.

We parents should design our parenting to deliberately focus on bringing up responsible children.

We always want our children to get the best even when we know they are not the best. we choose friends for them, we choose the families they relate with, we want the best school and the best of everything.  There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for our children in fact that is the dream of every child, to have a parent who gives them all they want.

What is the reality like? We may not be able to provide everything. In fact not being able to have everything is part of the skills that our children should learn.  What you have acquired as parents over the years is yours, our children should learn to independently acquire what they can call their own.

Having candid conversations with them on the realities of life should be an everyday routine. As they carry out household chores we should do them together, let it be fun and part and parcel of our human nature.  It's not a job that someone else should do. That someone else comes in when we are not available to do the work.

As a parent. you have a choice to bring up your child the way you feel is best.  As you do so remember that this child will one day be an adult and what they will carry with them is what you have trained them to be.  Be a protective parent by training children to protect themselves first ( choose friends wisely, avoid risky environments, confined in you anytime they feel threatened).  Allow them to learn to do things for themselves (wash clothes, clean their rooms, make their bed, keep the house clean, and cook their own food)

Having rules that have consequences can start a child on the path to maturity.  Our biggest distractor is the media.  Addiction to media can affect the performance of a child and their ability to participate in household chores.  The use of media should be limited and that should begin with us the adults.   In the next post, I will look at the possible consequences of the two syndromes.  Let's keep the conversation going.

Parentification

 In most of our African homes, a girl child who is able to master the household chores and do them without supervision or directions from the adult is considered to be the best; in fact, she is the mature one, and the mother would be very proud, showering her with praise in their women talk circles.

In addition to being skilled in household chores, a girl's ability to maintain secrecy and protect her family's interests is highly valued. This level of trust and responsibility demonstrates her maturity and earns her the admiration of the women in her community. Her mother relies on her as a confidant, knowing that she can count on her to keep important information safe and even
resort to lying if necessary for the sake of their family's well-being. 

Parentification is a term most parents may not be familiar with, and because they were brought up under the same circumstances as their own children, they may not see anything wrong with it. Parentification is a situation where the parent-child relationship is reversed. Children provide practical and emotional support to their parents when it is supposed to be the reverse.  

This reversal of roles can have long-term negative effects on the child's development and well-being. It can hinder their ability to form healthy relationships, develop independence, and establish their own identity. In families where parents are under stress, either emotionally or financially, circumstances may force the elder children to take up the role of a parent.  In some cases, the parents themselves assign the duties by looking at the elder child as the mature one and being mature means they can take up parental responsibilities.  This may include taking care of their siblings, participating in family business, nursing ill relatives, living with the grandparents, or taking up school visit responsibilities, among many other duties that parents may wish the child to do.  In return, the child has to forgo playing with agemates, attending school, shelving their own needs and emotions, delaying their schooling or careers, and mostly dropping out of school to take on more serious responsibilities like employment, where the money earned by the child is sent directly to the parent regardless of how they feel or want.  

This situation can have a significant impact on the child's overall well-being and development. It not only deprives them of important social interactions and educational opportunities but also places a heavy burden on their young shoulders, potentially affecting their mental and emotional health. Additionally, the lack of personal autonomy and the pressure to prioritize their parents' needs over their own can hinder their ability to establish a strong sense of self and pursue their own dreams and aspirations. 

It is very common in an African home to find children working early in the morning on the farm before they go to school, preparing their own lunch, and rushing home in the evening to fill the empty water containers' milk the cows and ensure they are locked in plus any other domesticated animals and birds before settling down to prepare supper. They would be lucky to sit and do their homework if they had any strength left. They are the earliest to wake up and the last to go to bed.  

Why wouldn't any man out there not see a wife in them if they can be able to juggle all these things in their teens? This is one of the major causes of early marriages. Parents are setting up their own children for marriage, knowingly or unknowingly.

Assigning children duties and responsibilities is a positive thing and should be encouraged. Parentification, however, involves laying a huge burden on the child, which should ideally be done by a parent.

Resilience is one positive result of parentification, where the child embraces the responsibility and is focused on their future at the same time. In other situations, however, it results in a form of retardation, both physically and mentally. The child will eventually be good at what suits the parent, but their own development is curtailed. They will be physically stunted, they will rarely show emotions when suffering but are the first to be there for everyone, and they will not do well academically. They easily put up with any form of abuse in their marriage, and honestly, that's probably one of the attributes our parents prepare us for. Stay in there no matter what; marriage is for better or for WORST!!!

Parents, why burden our children with adulthood responsibilities when they have a whole lifetime to do that? Why occupy the space of childhood memories with adult stuff? What stories of childhood will they tell their children?

Parents should prioritize allowing their children to enjoy their childhood and create cherished memories. By shielding them from adult responsibilities, they can foster a sense of innocence and provide a solid foundation for their future. These childhood stories will be filled with joy, adventure, and carefree moments, ensuring that the next generation can pass on the same enchanting tales to their own children. 

 

Let's give children age-appropriate duties and responsibilities. Let's parent; it's our responsibility. Let's create an environment where children can fully enjoy their childhood and make lasting memories. By allowing them to be carefree and explore their interests, we are nurturing their creativity and fostering a sense of wonder. This will ultimately contribute to their overall development and prepare them for the responsibilities of adulthood in due time. provide for the children. Parentification, or reverse parenting, is abuse too!

 By allowing children to fully experience and enjoy their childhood, we are fostering their emotional and psychological development. It is important to prioritize their well-being and create a nurturing environment where they can grow at their own pace. This way, they can build a solid foundation for their future endeavors without feeling overwhelmed or burdened prematurely. By recognizing and addressing the issue of parentification, or reverse parenting, we can protect children from the harmful effects of taking on adult responsibilities too early. It is crucial to provide them with the necessary support and guidance, allowing them to focus on their own growth and development rather than shouldering the burdens of adulthood prematurely. 

ADOLF HITLER THE ANGEL

 

Photo courtesy of gettyimages

There is no excuse for what Adolf Hitler took the world through.  No matter how hard his childhood was, as an adult, he had the opportunity to do the right thing.  Instead, he chose to let the anger that he had accumulated over the years control him and ended up causing immense pain that will be remembered in history from generation to generation.  As I read through his story from childhood, I keep asking myself “Ifs”.  He went through one rejection after another all the time falling and standing up to try his luck again.

“It is just as impossible for us to imagine having been fascinated by a Hitler. People who were treated with respect as children, who weren't drilled to become robots with the aid of mistreatment, will never want to die out of "faithfulness to the Führer" or send thousands of human beings to Stalingrad against all reason just because some madman planned it. But Hitler's generals stood at attention In the Fürher's headquarters, and all counter-arguments dissolved into fear and mental paralysis or, on the other hand, into enthusiasm when they heard him (the father) speak. This disastrous political blindness that cost millions of people their lives proves conclusively what our grandparents so hotly denied: that in every case, physical as well as psychological abuse of the child is not only harmful but highly dangerous. Not only for the individual but under certain circumstances for whole nations” Alice Miller, 1988

Before he turned into a monster that terrorized the world, Hitler was a resilient, focused, admirable young man who loved school and being with friends, amongst whom he acted as the hero and the leader.  Despite the challenges that existed in his family, Hitler made good of what he had. 

He grew up with a disciplinarian of a father.  His discipline was so extreme that he could cane a child over thirty strokes.  For the love of his mother Hitler learned to block out the pain.  That however did not mean that he wasn’t emotional. When his brother died, no one was there for him.  He mourned by sitting on the wall of the cemetery where he could see his brother’s grave and spent hours and hours looking at the grave.  People saw him and probably for the fear of his father, no one made any effort to help him mourn.  His mother was mourning more than one child therefore she wasn’t there for him. 

Society in most cases does not consider the children’s emotions.  We assume that they don’t know what is happening.  We try to shield them from the truth but they know, they may not understand and because of that we leave them with a lot of questions that they try to find answers on their own.  If somehow Hitler got help to deal with his father’s anger and harsh discipline, if he had someone help him manage his emotions, if he had someone to take him through grief he may have been a different person in adulthood.

Hitler was gifted academically.  He found academic work easy and in his childhood he was an excellent student.  He had a photographic mind that would look at a building and draw It exactly from memory.  That is a very exceptional gift that needed to be nurtured.  Unfortunately, there was no one to support him.  As it is with academics today, you can only qualify to take a particular career when the subject combination is right.  The fact that Hitler did not have any academic papers to support his natural gift, he could not make it to art school or architectural studies.  He pushed himself to approach the Arts school which he believed he was capable of doing well but he was turned down.  When he was at his best academically and looking forward to doing art, his father decides he has to be a government worker like him. 

This may be true for some of us today.  Parents feel they have a right to choose careers for us.  Some of us take it and do whatever the parents want, others take the training and later divert to what they are passionate about.  For Hitler, there was no academic prowess if he wasn’t going to be an artist.  He purposely decided to do poorly in school, made fun of teachers, and got involved in all sorts of mischief to get back at his father.

Besides academics Hitler loved the Catholic Church which he was introduced to during his family's migrations in different cities.  He sang in church and loved the church's architectural features. He dreamt of becoming a priest and went further to make sermons that were long.  If only that love for the church, the love of singing and the dream to be a priest had caught someone’s eye and nurtured him, there is a possibility he could have turned out to be something else.

I loved his zeal for leadership.  He read a book that he found in the house and created a hero whom he emulated in his role-playing.  He loved being a hero and the other children were to act dead.  He did it repeatedly until the other children got tired.  This too went unnoticed.  From a very early age therefore Hitler showed leadership skills no matter what form.  Though he repeated a class that left him older than his peer and therefore he had a following, it was still something that could have been cultivated for a good purpose

His father’s death was as if he had a heavy yoke that had been placed around his neck removed.  He felt a sense of freedom.  There was no one to control him anymore and he said goodbye to all forms of control, home, school, and familiar environment and he went to the big city where he felt he would have the freedom to do what he wanted.  It is in Vienna that he failed to join an art school and was instead advised to become an architect for which he didn’t have the necessary academic qualification.  Without a career, no home, and no school, Hitler found himself in the streets fending for himself through painting.  He did paint and sell and if someone had seen this and given him support, he could have ended up being a happy painter.

Though unfortunate things happened in his life, there were very many opportunities in which he would have been assisted to become a good person.  If teachers had taken a keen interest and observed his performance decline, they would have taken measures that would have saved him from dropping out of school and nudged him to do what he felt was his passion.  If the priests had also taken a keen interest in him he could have become a strong Catholic follower or a priest.  If his father and supported his passion for art and encouraged him to do it alongside formal education, it is possible Hitler would have taken another path of life.

What is interesting is that he actualized in his adult life the war heroism in his childhood.  He loved an author called May who created a character called the Old Shatterland.  Old Shatterland fought and defeated his enemies through bravery and willpower.  Those are two attributes that strongly presented themselves in his quest to defeat all the enemies of Germany.  His early practice in presenting long sermons probably played a part in his becoming an outstanding orator.  This is a child who knew what he wanted to be but the how to get there is what he missed.  Today, a number of young people are going through the same challenges.

They have a vision of what they want to be, they have goals and objectives.  However, they have a number of challenges that hinder their progress.  Parents prefer deciding what career their children will pursue.  Young people do not have someone to look up to or consult to get guidance on issues or decisions they want to make in life.  Children hold on to grudges that they try to settle in adulthood causing a ripple of pain.

It is important for us to understand and help others understand that dealing with traumatic experiences early heals and gives one an opportunity to form healthy relationships without carrying baggage that may cause harm to unsuspecting people around us.  Emotional trauma is probably the most dangerous type of trauma because it has no physical scars that can be seen.  The scar is in the heart and in the mind and unless someone offers to tell their story and thus starts the journey of healing, they could cause great harm to innocent people around them including their own families.

As we engage with children and youth in various forums or institutions identifying these wounded young people could save them from making harmful decisions in the future. The endless killing of young men and women in the name of love gone sour should not happen at all.  Being rejected is not unusual, not everyone will love you the way you love them, feelings are personal and we can't force them on others.  Children should not kill their parents because they feel aggrieved.  They should have the ability to process their feelings and approach issues in a calm manner.  The world needs leaders who are sober, calm, emotionally stable, visionary, and calculative.

Childhoods- Towards education that is all inclusive

 

Childhoods-How do we achieve equality in Education?

Education is an important aspect of Childhood.  When Aires Phillipe wrote about the absence of childhood in the 17^th century, a lot of reforms were made to create a better environment for a child.  Before then, education was available to well-to-do children and they were educated at home.  The rest of the children from poor families were left in the streets to play as their parents went to work in very difficult environments in those days.  Eventually, children from poor families were taken to schools and due to the attention given to children in those institutions from all professions like social workers, and doctors,  among others, life kept becoming better and better for the children. The process of enacting laws to protect the child was begun and today this forms part of the agenda in every government.  A lot of milestones have been achieved in the care and protection of the child.  Today we have the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Children adopted by nations all over the world.  The African Charter on the Rights and Welfare of the Child (ACRWC) has been adopted by African countries and within every nation there are laws protecting the child. 

ACRWC article 11 section 3 in relation to our education system in Kenya:

            States Parties to the present Charter shall take all appropriate

measures with a view to achieving the full realization of this right

and shall in particular:

(a) provide free and compulsory basic education:

(b) encourage the development of secondary education in its

different forms and to progressively make it free and accessible

to all;

(c) make the higher education accessible to all on the basis of

capacity and ability by every appropriate means;

(d) take measures to encourage regular attendance at schools and

the reduction of drop-out rate;

(e) take special measures in respect of female, gifted and

disadvantaged children, to ensure equal access to education for

all sections of the community.

Though this applies to every child there are gaps when it comes to implementation.  I have worked with children from low-income households and the majority of them are not getting this benefit.  The education system treats all children equally while on the ground this is not the case.  Children come from different backgrounds and some are so disadvantaged that opportunities in education that would have helped them break the poverty circle are not within their reach. The education system is so competitive at the moment that performers get the best schools and often get all the help they want.  Only a few from low-income families get this opportunity.

Low-income parents and caregivers spend most of their time looking for work on a daily basis which is at times very demanding and low paying.  They often don’t have regular sources of income and their participation in school programs is also very irregular.  Though the term free education is used, it’s actually a partnership where the government plays a part and the parent has a part to play. 

Sometimes the school demands are too high for parents to afford at once.  Without extra support, the majority of children miss out on quality education.  They are forced to transit to the locally available school where their parents are comfortable paying piecemeal with a struggle.  These schools are often overpopulated with high levels of indiscipline cases which eventually affect a performing child who has to study there.  Where the parents struggle and take their child to a school that will ensure good performance, this child will often be sent home from time to time missing many lessons and eventually dropping out to join the local school or dropping out of school completely. Whether they come from low-come families, whether they attend a school that has all facilities, or one that is struggling to survive with minimal resources eventually all these children will sit for the same national examination.

The government has time to do an audit of the abilities of caregivers.  It has the mechanisms to know the parents who can support their children without external support, those who need partial support, and those whose children will miss out on education if no support.  If the government is proactive, the assessment should begin as soon as the children join a school and continue to the time of transition.  The government should be able to transit the children depending on the abilities of caregivers to support their children so that no child is left out because of the inability of their parents to afford whatever the school requires.  Part (b) of that article has not worked in some areas where we have a number of primary schools supported by one high school that is within the parents’ means and because the requirement is a hundred percent transition, the schools are overpopulated, a population that does not match the number of staff.

The needs of children are many and we cannot ignore the fact that some children are more vulnerable than others and the government needs to step in to protect them.  A lot needs to be done on preventive measures rather than reactions to what has already happened.  Universal education should be just that so that each child is given an equal opportunity to be competitive in the job market or create a career for themselves.  The conversations about the improvement and betterment of childhoods should continue and be a regular responsibility to all of us so that children from poor families can break the poverty circle.  The millennium goals will not be achieved if we are not looking at the needs of tomorrow’s leaders now.  The future should be looked at from the point of who and where they are now which will determine what they will be then.

Childhoods -The shadow of Safety

• 
  

 Child Molesters and Pedophiles

Did you know that there is a small difference between the two?

Young girls getting pregnant is a challenge in Kenya.  Statistics show that Kenya is ranked 3^rd worldwide in teenage pregnancy. Young girls from low-income families are becoming victims of molesters and pedophiles.  Our homes can appear safe yet they are too exposed from all sides.  Molesters and pedophiles

can see right through the shadow of what appears to be safety.

A child molester is any older person, male or female who engages in sexual activity with a child or children.  A pedophile however is someone who is sexually attracted to children especially those in pre-puberty using the definition used in the book  Child Molesters: A Behavioral Analysis, A molester takes advantage of the child when a situation presents itself and sexually abuses the child while, the pedophile may actually not have sex with the child per se.  They may fantasize or masturbate by watching children.   If a pedophile has sex with the child then they become a molester. The mind is the workshop for all our actions.  Pedophiles are molesters in my opinion whether they fantasize or not thoughts will eventually lead to actual action.  

Photo by Chiara F on Unsplash

As a manager in a child support program, cases of child molestation were the most hurting and disturbing of all abuses.  They are very difficult to handle and mostly the children never get justice. The offenses take place in low-economic households for various reasons or what is referred to as situational molestation. I found the description of offenders as discussed in the book Child Molesters: A Behavioral Analysis, to fit the kind of offenders I dealt with.  Briefly, they include:

       I.            Regress offender who has low self-esteem and poor coping skills and therefore start abusing children as a replacement for their preferred sexual partner because the children are available and unprotected.  The abuses in the cases I dealt with were men who were not a) biological fathers to the children they were living with, b) neighbors who were at home when the parents of the abused child went to work, c) older siblings or their friends who are left to care for the children and abuse children due to the influence of the media, d) mothers boyfriends who are well known to the child or relatives living with the family of the abused child.

    II.            Morally indiscriminate offender: this is an abuse of everyone not only children. He cheats, lies, and steals apart from being a sexual offender.  He abuses everyone including children, wife, siblings, relatives, and co-workers which means he could be anyone from a father to an older sibling in the family.

 III.            Inadequate offender: this is a person who lives in their own world, is withdrawn, is a social misfit, could be a shy teenager who does not associate a lot, or is a loner who lives with parents.

The kind of molesters I have dealt with could be anywhere in the three categories or they could have a mixture of two or all of the three.  The common things about them are that: (a) they are all male, (b) middle-aged, (c) staying alone but neighbor the family of the abused child or live with relatives, they were idle at the time of committing the crime, (d) men invited by mothers to live with the family as a husband and provider to children they never sired. 

The circumstances in which the offense occurs often make it hard to go through the process of prosecution from my experience for the following reasons: 

 Cooperation from both the parent and the community is minimal.  Society tends to sympathize with the offender more than the child.  The abuse is likely to be covered up and not reported and if it is reported, the parents fail to cooperate.  Mothers who invited men to live with them do not want to lose them because of economic gain and they would ask questions like, “If you incarcerate him, who will take care of the other children? If the offender was not caught in action, they might deny the allegations.

•   As a social worker, you get to know the abuse through observation or when the child reports to you.  There has to be proof for the offender to be prosecuted.  It becomes very hard to prove that the abuse did happen if there is no pregnancy or physical wounds that show abuse did occur. If the offender gets a good lawyer they are likely to get away with the abuse since there is no evidence placing them on a crime scene. The cases are very sensitive and a risk to the workers because of how society views the offense.  Unlike the law, society does not place value on a child’s story, we rarely believe in children.
•  Sometimes the offenders are either law enforcement officers, teachers, or people who are well-educated and the victim is from a low-income household.  The victim’s family will be threatened, and they will be isolated especially if the offender is a father, a relative, or someone within the family like a sibling.  The family would be adamant to report the case and deal with it within the family and the child will never get justice.
• The children are too young to differentiate anal and virginal sex. One such case almost slipped through our fingers because there was no virginal penetration but after sometimes the child could not control urine or gas.  The hymen was intact but after a thorough checkup, the doctors discovered there was a tear in the rectum which seal the evidence and provided conclusive evidence of abuse.  However, the case is yet to be finalized.

  

  photo by Godfrey Phiri on Unsplash

• Children do alert their parents that they were being harassed before the actual offense took place but mothers do not believe their own children.  There are always signs that the child is being abused parents are either too trusting or too busy to notice the problem. Parents do not believe in us the social workers and instead believe that their children are too young to understand anything to do with sex. They often feel we are falsely accusing the offenders or their children are lying which brings conflict between us. Reality hits them when the actual offense occurs.
• There are no protection units where children can be placed as investigations are going on and if they are the process is too low and the child is still within the same environment of abuse eventually, they are compromised and recant their testimony.

 It is my observation that children from low-income households are at risk the status of their family determines where they live which may not be safe but they have no choice because that is what the parents can afford. The governments need to uphold the laws enacted to protect children and ensure by all means every child is known and protected.  there should be care alternatives where parents have failed to protect their children or where they are struggling, the government should step in to offer relief as parents organize themselves.

The war against abuse is a tough one.  There is so much going on in families, especially in such difficult economic times that parents may not be there for their children all the time.  However, empowering them to engage their children in conversations concerning their safety is important so that they are able to detect risks before abuse occurs.   Children should also know where to report if the parents do not take action when they tell them. Social systems should be put in place so that all parties are protected against risks after cases are reported.  Children should be withdrawn from the abusive environment immediately even as investigations go on.