Parentification

 In most of our African homes, a girl child who is able to master the household chores and do them without supervision or directions from the adult is considered to be the best; in fact, she is the mature one, and the mother would be very proud, showering her with praise in their women talk circles.

In addition to being skilled in household chores, a girl's ability to maintain secrecy and protect her family's interests is highly valued. This level of trust and responsibility demonstrates her maturity and earns her the admiration of the women in her community. Her mother relies on her as a confidant, knowing that she can count on her to keep important information safe and even
resort to lying if necessary for the sake of their family's well-being. 

Parentification is a term most parents may not be familiar with, and because they were brought up under the same circumstances as their own children, they may not see anything wrong with it. Parentification is a situation where the parent-child relationship is reversed. Children provide practical and emotional support to their parents when it is supposed to be the reverse.  

This reversal of roles can have long-term negative effects on the child's development and well-being. It can hinder their ability to form healthy relationships, develop independence, and establish their own identity. In families where parents are under stress, either emotionally or financially, circumstances may force the elder children to take up the role of a parent.  In some cases, the parents themselves assign the duties by looking at the elder child as the mature one and being mature means they can take up parental responsibilities.  This may include taking care of their siblings, participating in family business, nursing ill relatives, living with the grandparents, or taking up school visit responsibilities, among many other duties that parents may wish the child to do.  In return, the child has to forgo playing with agemates, attending school, shelving their own needs and emotions, delaying their schooling or careers, and mostly dropping out of school to take on more serious responsibilities like employment, where the money earned by the child is sent directly to the parent regardless of how they feel or want.  

This situation can have a significant impact on the child's overall well-being and development. It not only deprives them of important social interactions and educational opportunities but also places a heavy burden on their young shoulders, potentially affecting their mental and emotional health. Additionally, the lack of personal autonomy and the pressure to prioritize their parents' needs over their own can hinder their ability to establish a strong sense of self and pursue their own dreams and aspirations. 

It is very common in an African home to find children working early in the morning on the farm before they go to school, preparing their own lunch, and rushing home in the evening to fill the empty water containers' milk the cows and ensure they are locked in plus any other domesticated animals and birds before settling down to prepare supper. They would be lucky to sit and do their homework if they had any strength left. They are the earliest to wake up and the last to go to bed.  

Why wouldn't any man out there not see a wife in them if they can be able to juggle all these things in their teens? This is one of the major causes of early marriages. Parents are setting up their own children for marriage, knowingly or unknowingly.

Assigning children duties and responsibilities is a positive thing and should be encouraged. Parentification, however, involves laying a huge burden on the child, which should ideally be done by a parent.

Resilience is one positive result of parentification, where the child embraces the responsibility and is focused on their future at the same time. In other situations, however, it results in a form of retardation, both physically and mentally. The child will eventually be good at what suits the parent, but their own development is curtailed. They will be physically stunted, they will rarely show emotions when suffering but are the first to be there for everyone, and they will not do well academically. They easily put up with any form of abuse in their marriage, and honestly, that's probably one of the attributes our parents prepare us for. Stay in there no matter what; marriage is for better or for WORST!!!

Parents, why burden our children with adulthood responsibilities when they have a whole lifetime to do that? Why occupy the space of childhood memories with adult stuff? What stories of childhood will they tell their children?

Parents should prioritize allowing their children to enjoy their childhood and create cherished memories. By shielding them from adult responsibilities, they can foster a sense of innocence and provide a solid foundation for their future. These childhood stories will be filled with joy, adventure, and carefree moments, ensuring that the next generation can pass on the same enchanting tales to their own children. 

 

Let's give children age-appropriate duties and responsibilities. Let's parent; it's our responsibility. Let's create an environment where children can fully enjoy their childhood and make lasting memories. By allowing them to be carefree and explore their interests, we are nurturing their creativity and fostering a sense of wonder. This will ultimately contribute to their overall development and prepare them for the responsibilities of adulthood in due time. provide for the children. Parentification, or reverse parenting, is abuse too!

 By allowing children to fully experience and enjoy their childhood, we are fostering their emotional and psychological development. It is important to prioritize their well-being and create a nurturing environment where they can grow at their own pace. This way, they can build a solid foundation for their future endeavors without feeling overwhelmed or burdened prematurely. By recognizing and addressing the issue of parentification, or reverse parenting, we can protect children from the harmful effects of taking on adult responsibilities too early. It is crucial to provide them with the necessary support and guidance, allowing them to focus on their own growth and development rather than shouldering the burdens of adulthood prematurely.