Childhood-The engaged parent

 

Parental engagement today is at Zero -Get Engaged!!!!!!!!

image courtesy of national cancer institute on Unsplash

Love is Security:

The love of a parent for a child is a basic need.  A child who is loved will be contented with being in their family.  When love lacks the child will not feel safe even when all other basic needs- shelter, education, health, and food are provided.  Love is security. Part of being a parent who is engaged in their child or children’s life involves giving them unconditional love.  The presence of material things like play items is not a substitute or an indication of love.  Engagement is being there when they need you, walking with them in their ups and downs, listening to them and attaching value to their feelings and their needs, showing them how to face challenges and solve their problems rather than running away or physically fighting, controlling their negative emotions and thinking through hostile situations before acting, choosing peace, giving love to all unconditionally, appreciating others the way they are, walking away from what can cause them harm or place them in harm among many other engagement opportunities that may be specific to your own child or children.  When you don’t have or are unable to provide for them for one reason or another let them know, they understand. Listen and learn from them.

Engagement opportunities:

Photo by Joice Kelly on Unsplash

Offering love is the best way to get engaged in a child’s life.  Love defines the boundaries of your relationship.  It will give the parent an opportunity to mentally have a framework on how best to be a parent to their child.  It informs the daily decision-making process of the parent.  The well-being of the child is among the prioritized responsibilities of a parent.  This will give the parent an opportunity to know when the child is going through difficulties and get involved where necessary or give them space to work out their problems.  An engaged parent will know when to come in and when to wait or how to give advice without meddling.   A child who has a good relationship with the parent will share their happiness and sadness because that is what their parent does. They also share their ups and downs.  Engagement opportunities come during meals times, the family eats together, walking or taking children to school and picking them which gives you an opportunity to have a conversation, have quality time together after meals in the evening, on weekends or holidays, pray together, going to church together, visiting relatives and friend, going out together to play or have a meal outside time, doing what they children like and any other opportunities depending on what your children prefer.

The engagement has gone to Zero

Parental engagement has never been scarce as it is today.  Careers and the need for financial advancement have taken most of the time meant for family engagements.  Parents are working hard to ensure their family is financially safe and secure.  Care of the children is left to house help and provision of all types of electronics.  When parents come home, they carry their work and prefer children to keep quiet and busy as they finish up what they must do.  Every need of the child that can be bought with money is left to the house help, the school calls the house help goes to represent the parents, visiting days the house help goes to visit, or this important opportunity is handled by someone else including uncles, aunts, grandparents because parents are busy building a safe and financially secure environment for everyone.  Eventually, financial security comes, and the children have gotten used to being left, they have their own rooms where they spend their time and come out for meals only.  Children start having behavioral problems and as a parent, you keep asking where you went wrong.  This is a generalized opinion it could be better or worse.  There is no blueprint for parenthood or childhood but, childhood positive or negative experiences matter.

Young people today are unable to control their emotions because they did not see that in their childhood. We keep wondering why are youths today eager to get rich so fast forgetting that this is what they saw us do when they were young.  We taught them that financial independence is the first thing you do.  We taught them that so long as the children have material things and someone to take care of them in our absence it is okay.  We should not, therefore, complain when they show very little remorse when we call them or need them in our old age, they will employ house helps, shamba boys and engage the best care nurses plus the best medical coverage.  To them, that is good care.

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

Let’s get engaged in our children’s lives from childhood and walk with them through the stages and when we release them to a world of their own, they will carry with them those good memories that they will share with their children and make us part of the beautiful story that their children look forward too.

 

Happy Children’s Month